were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
