so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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