I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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