A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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