By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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