I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
