Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
