I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
