You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize