did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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