I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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