And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
