I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize