at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
