You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
