careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
