just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
