what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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