I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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