ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize