my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Just cropdusted the office
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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