Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
