that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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