Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
