Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
