No awkward lesbian experiences without me
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I have post one night stand depression
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
