Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
