He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
