Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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