ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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