who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize