Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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