u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
