I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
