Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
