i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
