so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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