Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
