Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
