the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
