All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
