my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
