just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
