I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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