I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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