after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
