It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
