Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
