Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
