Don't you send me to vm
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
