**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize