Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
