Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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