remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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