I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
