who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize