im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
whose parrot is this?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
