Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
