cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
