he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
