im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
