do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
