Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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