Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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