Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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