Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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