i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
