You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Randomize
