HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
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