And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
