i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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