You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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