lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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