I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
