you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
