so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I deserve to be covered in dicks
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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