How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
